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I like blue. StackOverflow is orange. We are clearly opposites. And opposites attract, right?

I am good at writing software. It is my passion. Most people say I lead a sad, sad life. Fortunately, not as sad as yours because, well, who reads other people's online profiles? That's really creepy. Some people share their life story, but you can't have mine! Instead, I will share a story about a mongoose:

Once upon a time, there was a mongoose named Jeff. Jeff was an ornery mongoose. Every day Jeff went out and shortsheeted the Pope's bed. I forgot to mention that this was also a very talented mongoose. After 5,917 days of being shortsheeted, the Pope's staff became very angry and inexplicably went out and hired Gargamel to take care of the problem. I also forgot to mention that the Pope in this story has anterograde amnesia and frankly didn't remember getting shortsheeted - or much of anything else that happened day-to-day. Gargamel accepted the job. Unfortunately, Gargamel is semi-retired and acts mostly as middle management these days for the Care Bears, the Gummi Bears, and Winnie the Pooh.

A few other things happened in this story in no particular order: Gargamel threw a Taco Bell party. A Seal Team randomly dropped in to hang out. Jeff brought a failcake. The Pope ate 12 Taco Bell bean burritos in 2 hours, lifted his left leg, and there was a blast.

After the foul odor cleared the room, everyone lived happily ever after. Mostly. No one ever caught the mongoose though.

Moral of this story: Don't eat 12 Taco Bell bean burritos in a single sitting. It causes problems.

Well if the programming gig doesn't work out, I could probably write Mad Libs.

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